Thursday, October 27, 2005

Prediction fiction rant

After a whole week of speculation regarding forthcoming Plame case indictments -- first, yours truly on Monday based on the number of media trucks surrounding the District Court in DC, then Richard Sale with "insider" information saying it was yesterday afternoon for sure -- I've decided not to predict tomorrow, which happens to be the final meeting of the grand jury. Rather, I'm going to predict that Fitzgerald eats turned scallops for dinner tonight, falls flat on his back into the bushes lining the driveway and stays home in bed tomorrow with food poisoning and covered in cortisone. I'm also going to predict that Rove admits all his evil acts and then jumps off the Key Bridge drowning passing kayakers and placing himself in intensive care. Libby will flee the country, living out the rest of his life in an Argentinian villa under the pseudonym "Senor Scootero," the Yanqui furiously scratching nightly pencil drawings of Turdblossom in the dark corner of the bodega. John Bolton will spontaneously combust while shredding documents in his UN office, burning down the top ten floors of the UN building. And Dick Cheney will take to the road as a busker fiddler. Bush will take up rollerskating and jacks and, as a result, so will 35% of the American population. The Democrats, meanwhile, will extol the merits of river-diving, stick-drawings, the combustible engine, violin, and hopscotch as an alternative policy. John McCain will pop a few more veins in his forehead. George Bush Sr. will announce that he's an anarchist and start dressing in black.

On another note, Bush wins the whole Miers debacle, or so the chucklepundits are saying. Charles Krauthammer gets the crystal ball award from NPR for saying that Miers' position in the White House conflicted with her potential duty to release information. So, Bush says that her retracted nomination shows just how much she respects the separation of powers. No one appears to have noticed that the consolidation-of-powers presidency of Bush and the nomination itself make him look even more like an incompetent doofus. There's no way around that one. Bush can't see anything over the desk in the Oval Office or the bicycle machine.

UPDATE (28 October 10:52):

I, unfortunately, neglected to predict this:

Harry Potter's "flying" car is stolen

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