English first! Until s'curity comes along

Bush decides to let the little units study foreign languages after all. As long as they don't go gay on the US, the little tots will soon be shipped to Iraq where their size and weight are excellent qualities for stealth translation operations into a form of the English language the president understands.

President Bush announced plans yesterday to boost foreign-language study in the United States, casting the initiative as a strategic move to better engage other nations in combating terrorism and promoting freedom and democracy.

"This program is a part of a strategic goal, and that is to protect this country," Bush said.

The plans, which represent an expansion of some programs and the start of a few others, aim to involve children in foreign-language courses as early as kindergarten while increasing opportunities for college and graduate school instruction.