Unknown unknowns: guest post by George Bush

[Edited for grammar, spelling, and punctuation - Helmut]

As Rummy says, there are known knowns and there are known unknowns. There are unknown knowns too. But are there unknown unknowns? Yes! The unknown unknown is that which, like the squirrel running around the other side of the tree so that you can't see it, is beyond the perceptual. The unknown unknown is also that which, like the squirrel that isn't there and never existed, is the blind concept. But isn't it that a nonexistent thing, which is unknowable, is still a knowable nonexistent thing, like a unicorn? Can't I know about unicorns, but just not know them personally since they don't exist?

How do I explain, then, my thesis that there are unknown unknowns? From a subjectivist position, clearly. In my head, at least, there are lots of unknown unknowns. There are things that don't exist and I don't know them either. I've got lots of these. But how do I know they're there when I don't know them? Because they itch. I scratch my head and still can't get rid of the itch. I scratch under my arms and the itch doesn't go away. I raise one eyebrow to try nail down that itch and wash that itch right out of my head. None of this works.

The unknown unknown is only indirectly perceived inside my itchy head, where it hangs out in the dark corners - you know, those hollow spaces that Uncle Dick calls my "romper rooms." It is directly perceived when Karl or Scott or someone like that comes to me and says that the unknown thing is known - Karl calls these sessions "de-unknownings." Or is that the known thing is unknown? I can't keep these straight. My boys know this - a known known! - so they avoid explaining unknown unknowns to me. Unless they do; then it's a known unknown until they leave the room, when it becomes an unknown unknown again. A re-unknowning! I sometimes wonder if I'm still here when Karl leaves the room, or even when I cover my eyes with my hands. Can other people see me? Or am I an ununknown?

Anywho, I'll defend these unknown unknowns all the way because I'm a man of principle and honesty. That is, unless everybody gets angry. Then I'll say that I never defended them since they're unknown unknowns. And who can know an unknown unknown unless you get the itches like me? This is why I'm such a good president: I'm full of the unknown unknowns, and that's just like my favorite philosopher, Jesus, but without the known part.

Photo: Michel-Jean Dupierris