Flag desecration

H Saussy at Print Culture discusses flag desecration.

I’ve moved past the exaltation of principles and am now musing on the practicalities of the Flag Desecration Amendment. The thing about symbols is that they are not physically delimitable. Somebody can always turn out another example of a symbol. Therein lies the weakness of the effort to prevent Flag Desecration (henceforth FD). We need to take vigorous measures.

First: the flag must be copyrighted, and defense of the copyright be delegated to Disney’s and the RIAA’s most chin-leading lawyers. No one shall display a Flag™ without prior authorization, which will require signing an End-User License Agreement stipulating the purposes to which said Flag™ may and may not be put.

Second, all currently admitted “flags” shall be declared invalid. The set of Flags™ must be a finite and traceable inventory. Counterfeiters will be prosecuted. A Flag™ must bear a serial number and be presented for annual inspection at the Office of Flag Control, failing which the annual license to display same shall be revoked. Those citizens who, having secured Flag™ licenses in the past, are unable to produce their Flag™ for inspection, shall be deemed to have committed FD and upon such discovery, shall be handed over to the Office of FD Prevention (a division of the Office of Homeland Security, and appropriately, for the map is the territory!) for indictment or perhaps (since they have offended against America, and America is not mocked) Guantánamo.

While Neil Shakespeare points out that, apparently, farting through the flag is okay. See what he means.