How to Profit from Immigration

We've explained this before, but it's worth saying again: if you want to make a lot of really easy money, just imprison you some immigrants. It really works! All's you have to do is pull these people out of the labor force and put them in jail, and then hire different people to look menacing all day.

Who knows how we pay for it? The feds just print more money, I guess, but, also, who cares? It's like, free money, and these people must deserve to be in jail, otherwise they wouldn't be in jail, right? This is moneymaking you can feel good about.

From The Paris News, here's an example of a town run by really smart, forward-thinking people:

CLARKSVILLE — Clarksville could be the site of a secure correctional facility that would provide 600-700 jobs for the Red River County area.

If selected, the City of Clarksville could receive a much needed economic boost from the facility to be built by Emerald Correctional Management, L.L.C.

Emerald! Oooh, good choice! They run a real shitbarn at the edge of my community! When you're trying to profit from the misery of the untenable detention bubble, could you do worse than a privately-held prison company from Louisiana? I mean, these people are deeply committed to cutting every corner they can, so that you can share with them more of every taxpayer dollar! They'll make your town rich. Laissez les bon temps roulez! (Note: Les bon temps have not exactly begun to roule in my little town, several years after the opening of the $25+ million facility, and people have been laid off . . . but any day now, any day, I'm certain we'll see the promised hotels and restaurants and shops).

The genius mayor of Clarksville, Ann Rushing, has this to say:

“Community acceptance and cooperation are vital... If we are selected, the good will definitely outweigh any negative aspects,” Rushing said.

Emerald Correctional Management is an industry leader in private prison management services, correctional health care and programming services for offender populations.

Yes, "the good will definitely outweigh any negative aspects." I envy Rushing her ability to see so, well, definitively into the future of her town. But I know she's right! It's so obvious!

Of course, the mayor didn't say that last part, about what a great company Emerald is -- evidently, the newspaper reporter just "went the extra mile" and did some independent digging into company PR materials. Such ethically responsible journalism is so rare these days.