Friday, January 27, 2006

It's a PSYOP world after all

Check this out:

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld acknowledged in a document made public on Thursday that information spread by the Pentagon to influence foreign peoples and enemies increasingly seeps back home and is "consumed by our domestic audience."

The Pentagon argued the "psychological operations" information was truthful. But the research organization that obtained the document through the Freedom of Information Act described it as propaganda planted overseas that inevitably made its way back to the United States....

"Secretary Rumsfeld's road map says the American people can't be protected from the Pentagon's psychological operations abroad but it doesn't matter as long as he's not targeting the American public. It's the collateral damage theory of propaganda," said Thomas Blanton, director of the National Security Archive at George Washington University in Washington.

The document stated that "information intended for foreign audiences, including public diplomacy and PSYOP (psychological operations), increasingly is consumed by our domestic audience and vice-versa."

Personally, I think this explains quite a bit. Hear me out. See, the US planted the story that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction in order to puff up Saddam Hussein's ego as a way of keeping Iran in line. The story circulated and returned to the US where it was picked up by the Bush Administration. The administration then promptly told the truth to the American public about Saddam having WMDs confirmed by foreign intelligence assessments and the guy on the street corner selling chickens. Since Saddam had WMDs, it was imperative that he be stopped before he nuked or gassed any of his neighbors or anyone else. Since PSYOPs had also planted stories about Bush's even bigger ego, Bush took this to heart quite proudly and decided the US must invade and occupy Iraq in order that Saddam's ego not get too carried away. It would be a slight on the US to suggest that Saddam had a bigger ego and bigger weapons than the US, and Iran had to understand this. In fact, Bush had the all-powerful weapon of love (but not homo love!); the love that brings welcoming paths of rose petals to the streets of Baghdad and wafts of frankincense and myrrh. Christ had Christian love, Bush thought. Saddam did not because he took those bad weapons the US gave him and gassed people in his own country rather than using them for Christian love purposes. Bush then discovered that Iraqis are mostly Islamic rather than Christian. He then understood that they are evil and he needed to good-ize that world.

Now why was the president so angry at the CIA for "intelligence failures"? Because Bush learned that the whole thing had been one big PSYOP and, once the disorientation subsided and more brush cleared, he thought the CIA was mocking his ego and his big weapons. So, Bush did his own PSYOP, see, and he planted stories [giggle] that the CIA's neighbors were up to no good, planning on toilet papering the front yard, letting the air out of their tires, and other mischievous activities. So the CIA went to the wires with the NSA to see if they could figure out who would paper their yards. It could be anyone! The only solution was to monitor everyone. Faithful as they were to the meanwhile furtively tittering George Bush, they reported to Bush about what they were doing. Bush said, "yeah sure. Good work, boys. Keep it up [titter]!"

This is the story of how the US invaded Iraq and then spied on its own people. But the story doesn't end there, our investigators show. The US also planted the story that democracy is good [titter, heh heh]. A bunch of people all over the world started to believe this nonsense and elected leftwing governments and their favorite political parties. It was worse than letting the air out of the tires! The problem was when Iraqis began to believe it too. The PSYOP messages returned to Americans through Iraqi spies in the liberal media and made Americans believe that the US was doing democratic stuff all over the place (but they secretly wondered why they couldn't elect the person they actually wanted to be president). The problem was that Iraqis got pissed when they saw that democracy means that an occupying power gets to put people it likes into government and keep them in an emerald palace called the "Green Zone" while most of the others just get killed. When this propaganda made its way back to the US, Americans started to think that if they lived in a democracy, they could have emerald palaces too. One guy in particular, Jack Abramoff, went all over congress telling this story and talking about how to invest money so that every congressperson could have an emerald palace with Scottish golf courses and Cuban cigars (so naughty!) and live in the palace forever and ever. Bush caught wind of this and wanted in on the action. The White House, after all, was always just one step towards The Emerald Palace where Bush could ride his exercise bike, pick his nose, and play video games as Zorkan Emperor of God Land all day long forever and ever.

Of course, now no one knows up from down, day from night, good from bad. But this is Iraq's fault because they believed PSYOP propaganda and then it came back to the US. This meant Iraq was attacking the US with PSYOPism. So Bush, via Rumsfeld's atrophying brain, realized that he'd have to kill pretty much all of them except the people in the Emerald Palace. Dumb Iraqis, of course, still haven't realized that all that PSYOPs stuff about developing a democracy was planted as a really funny joke on Iran. And Americans keep believing they live in a democracy where you eventually get to live in an emerald palace. [titter].

Just a thought....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks, helmut. My brain was beginning to spin again when I came to this line:

Of course, now no one knows up from down, day from night, good from bad.

That's about where we are now.

Humor may be one of the best weapons, but it's hard to do when you can't tell up from down.