I want products NOW. I want a product in EACH of my hands. No, two products. In each hand. I want a product NOW that makes my hair SHINY and my breath DELICIOUS. I want a fucking product that makes my elbows feel well-lubricated and that makes my SOCKS clean. Man, what I'd do with a fine product like that. Fella could do worse than to have a product like that, my friends; one that would ensure both personal cleanliness and a feeling of freshness and health.
Products!...
I want a large green trampoline that I can go up on the roof and empty all my tears into it. I want two burnished, sequined cocoanut halves that I can clap over my ears when th' talk turns to batik. I want a huge bubbling bong that I can load with my infinite contrition and smoke at until it comes out my ears and then I spill it on th' rug. And I want a sunken room. A sunken room done in tinfoil and Nazareth posters were I can flail away at myself during Ramadan.
I want a jointed tennis racket that I can take to myself as I walk down Pleasant St. with my shirt over my head. I want a peacoat. I want a toaster oven DVD player alarm clock pocket pussy and organizer all 'n' one. But it has to be small enough to SHOVE UP MY ASS. Every product must GO UP MY ASS. What is the use of a product that can't GO UP YOUR ASS? I ask you? Everybody that's fuckin' ANY BODY knows that The Funnest Products Are The Ones That Go Up Your Ass.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Products
For your entertainment, Bobby Lightfoot at the piano:
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5 comments:
Without any exageration, reading this blog might turn out to be the turning point of my life. Do you ever feel unexplaneable sensation of want and can't quite come up with a reason? I am basically a happy man, but until today, I had no idea that rectal bleaching kit could be the answer for me to achieve a total bliss. I'm going to git me one!
Pekka - I'm pleased that our humble blog can provide such an important service. Make sure to contact Bobby about the rectal bleaching kit. They're selling like hotcakes!
If you buy right now we will include a set of ginsu knives!
If I had a boat, I'd go out on the ocean. And if I had a pony, I'd ride him on my boat. And we could all together go out on the ocean: me upon my pony on my boat.
(that's Lyle Lovett, of course, not barba de chiva).
Dudes, what if, like, we're all simply products?
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