Tuesday, August 22, 2006


We may now announce with great alacrity that the Phronesisaical Institute for Predictive Science and Holiday-Making (PIPSH) has achieved rigorous scientific results using today's most advanced scientific instruments that correlate terrorist arrests with particular dates on the Gregorian calendar by multi-angulating the variables of lunar phases, the stars, gravity and dark matter, gravitas, and chutzpah.

Major terror arrests, we predict with near-absolute certainty, shall take place in October-November 2006 and October-November 2008.

As such, we further propose a new federal holiday - "Terror Day" (other recommendations for the name are welcomed) - to take place on or around the time of Halloween every two years. We suggest a parade sponsored by the Ministry of Silly Hats. We do not, however, wish to hinder these celebrations from being enjoyed at other times during the year: State of the Union address, major political scandals, massacres, economic downturns, are some suggested dates for less formal ceremonies.

Please help us celebrate this exciting new scientific discovery!


Reader MH writes in with a suggestion for "Interrogators Appreciation Day" as another new national holiday, and suggests retailers start work on their best cookie bouquets.


troutsky said...

I think Terror Day covers it nicely.Im going to ask for it off.

MT said...

You know 9-11 is sure to be made a holiday pretty darn soon.

helmut said...

You're right. Oliver Stone was all over that one.